I am the one

33 Comments

I know Sinful Sunday is all about the image but I hope you’ll bear with me this once.

This is my submission for the January prompt “new.”

***
Sometime in early 2014 I sat across from one of my best friends at lunch and responded to his usual query of “You shag any blokes off the internet yet?” With something to the effect of, “I think maybe I’m over dating. I just don’t think there are any guys out there who would want me.”

He did his best to reassure me. He argued for the hundredth time that I just needed to find someone to have no-strings sex with. I, for the hundredth time, thought “I’d love to, but how?”

A couple of months later, at the same bar, when the same friend asked the same question, I was able to nod my head and smile slyly (more like beam from ear to ear) in reply.

“What?!” He incredulously asked. “You had sex with some man off the internet this weekend?”

“Yes!” I practically squealed. The shocked look on his face was priceless, I’ll never forget it. In stunned silence he simply raised his hand up in the air for a high five.

“Well done.” He said, then grilled me for details.

He revealed that he’d been very worried about me ever since he’d heard me say I didn’t think anyone would want me. He knew it wasn’t true, but didn’t know how to get it through my head.

He knew my history. He knew that I was a virgin until my late twenties and that I had only ever slept with one person. He knew I needed to break out, sleep with other people, but couldn’t figure out how to get me to do it.

I didn’t know the answer either. I can’t pinpoint a specific thing that happened in 2014 to make me email that first guy on OKCupid for no-strings sex. I think it was a combination of things. I had been seeing a therapist I really liked for a little over a year to talk about my self image issues. I decided to talk to more men on OKCupid, even if it wasn’t going to lead to a date, even if they didn’t live near me. I decided to stop looking at these men as potential life partners and to just look at them as interesting people to interact with. I was introduced to Sinful Sunday and all the beautiful people sharing themselves here and thought “If they can do it, I can do it!” I started reading many of your blogs and learned what other kinds of healthy relationships and sex lives could look like. And, if I’m honest, my ex got into a new relationship and “needed” me less. (This last one shames me to admit but I know it was a factor).

All of those things helped push me but in the end, I am the one who emailed the OKC guy with the dom-flavored profile about no-strings sex. I am the one who went to meet him. I am the one who decided I liked him and wanted to have sex with him. I am the one who learned I liked choking on his cock till tears ran down my face. I am the one who reached out to more men I found interesting, or responded to men who reached out to me. I am the one who changed her OKCupid profile to non-monogamous. I am the one who turned strangers into friends and lovers over sexy text messages. I am the one who started a blog just so I could post that first, shy, tame Sinful Sunday picture of my feet.

I am the one. This year, I made myself new.

wpid-2015-01-03-21.51.33.jpg.jpeg

I love this new me. I’m myself, but shinier, more confident, sexier, bolder. I allow myself to want now, and to take.

For more of Sinful Sunday and other “new” things, click the kiss.
Sinful Sunday

33 Comments

  4. Bravo lovely lady… I am literally sitting here cheering for you. This is an amazing post and love how you talk about your journey to the place you are now and the joy you have found as a result. Just brilliant

    Mollyxxx

    Reply

  9. A story to warm the soul! So happy that you’ve found yourself in such a (sex-)positive, proactive, life-affirming way over the last 12 months, and I hope the fun continues well into 2015. Really hot photo too…you look so wonderfully *hungry*…

    Reply

  10. I love this – I thought I’d found something similar, and sadly, right now I feel like all the hard work I’ve put in to get to a similar position over the last couple of years has been eroded in recent months and I’m back to square one. I’m so pleased you’re happy and confident though – not to mention incredibly beautiful. I wish I was tweeting at the moment so I could share this too – next month, hopefully xx

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, Charlie! I’m sorry you’ve been struggling lately. Like I said, there’s no one thing I can point to that helped me and any comment I made about it this minute would likely ring hollow anyway. I do know (from your words and pictures) that you are beautiful and thoughtful and passionate and smart. Whatever your key (or ring of keys) to feeling better looks like, I hope you’ll find it in 2015.

      Reply

  16. I don’t know how I missed this back in January, but this is a fantastic metamorphosis, Maria! Reading your story made me want to stand up and cheer, I am so happy you have found your sexy side.

    You never cease to amaze me!

    xoxoxox

    Reply

    • Thanks so much! I’m still definitely on a journey and some days are more triumphant than others but it sure felt good to post that and mean it. Definitely inspired by everyone in this community, including beautiful you. 🙂

      Reply

  17. Jose

    Beautiful picture. Is that really you? Your eyes seem deaply loving and tasteful. Thank you for the post you made me cum thinking I was looking into your eyes.

    Reply

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