I love the way I’ve framed this image, the way my body anchors it and weighs it down almost. I like seeing how the mattress responds to my presence, dipping a little under my weight. I look lush and soft and touchable. My ass curves up nicely and my legs look strong and long.
CW: fatness and therapy in the paragraph after the photo
One time, while I was in therapy, my therapist intimated that maybe I had gained weight to keep people at bay. Like I had subconsciously chosen to be fat so people (men?) would avoid me and I don’t know, so I could more easily avoid everyone if I felt like they were rejecting me first? (I was not always fat, so maybe it could be seen as a deliberate act?). I am definitely putting a few words in her mouth here, but the first line is what she said and boy, that threw me for a loop and I quit seeing her not long after that (for all kinds of reasons) but I had not had that thought about myself before and now there it is. I’m not consumed by it every day, and I only think it’s really true sometimes, but it’s a doozy, isn’t it?