March 16, 2015 Update: The very talented and very generous Exhibit A has kindly recorded an audio version of my Euph-Off story. If I had known how deft he was at voicing characters before I wrote this, I would have created a Regency orgy with a cast of at least 12 ranging from the stable boy to the valet to the dowager duchess. However, he certainly makes the three characters I did create shine.
BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE!
Because today is my birthday, Mr. A gifted me with a special treat at the end of the story. While the narration itself is gift enough, I’ve been grinning like a fool about this little extra all evening so I’d say it’s well worth having to put up with Arabella and Ravenscar’s quivering and dripping bits to get to the surprise at the end. He *really* does accents well.
March 5, 2016: I had so much fun reading everyone’s entries for Behind the Chintz Curtain’s Euph-off today! As I was giggling about it over Twitter, Malin James challenged me to write my own, so I made an attempt. I fear my 500 words may come across as more of a homage than a send-up (I have been a fan of the classic romance novel since I was about ten) but I think (hope) it will be a little amusing to anyone who has ever read and enjoyed anything with Fabio on the cover.
“You will marry Lord Ravenscar to pay my gaming debts and that is my final word!” shouted Lord Wickenshire.
“I hate you, father!” Arabella screamed as she ran out the front door into the dark and stormy night.
Lord Ravenscar looked disgustedly at Lord Wickenshire and departed to chase the beautiful imp.
Arabella ran through the downpour, her petticoats plastered to her delicate ivory skin. She flung herself into the empty caretaker’s cottage. She didn’t want to marry that blackguard of the demimonde, Ravenscar! He was a notorious rake! “I hate Ravenscar and his roguish, chiseled face and his stormy, sea-colored eyes, and especially the lock of ebony hair that falls across his forehead,” she thought.
A resounding crash interrupted her reverie. She whirled around. Ravenscar towered above her, his greatcoat billowing. Kneeling at the hearth as she was, her eyes were directly in line with his straining breeches.
“My Lord!” she gasped.
Ravenscar glowered down at her until he saw her eyes on his burgeoning loins and then he grinned wolfishly. He’d wanted to have her since the moment he saw her at the Rycroft ball and now, alone in this cottage, her nipples straining against her bodice, the thin damp cambric clinging deliciously to every ripe and innocent, perfectly placed curve, he knew wasn’t waiting any longer.
Arabella felt an unfamiliar fire slowly burning in her womanhood as she gazed into the depths of Ravenscar’s eyes. In that instant, she knew she loved him. She knew that his rakish ways were just a mask for his painful past and she knew, in the bottom of her soul that she could save him from his pain.
Her tiny pink tongue touched her lips and Ravenscar was undone. He dove for her and devoured her. They kissed until they were united as one person before God.
He pulled her roughly onto his lap and she could feel the iron rod of his manhood poking one tender globe. The shimmering apex of her sex was pulsating as she burned with passion. He reached behind her and tugged, sending hundreds of tiny buttons scattering across the floor to unveil her pale perfection. He reverently lowered his head to her celestial orbs and suckled.
She moaned in ecstasy, he growled in need.
She was desperate for more and fumbled at the placard of his breeches. His engorged phallus sprang free like a stallion on the heath and she gazed up at him as she darted her tongue over the head of his velvet encased sabre to lick the shiny droplet of nectar leaking from his spout.
He ground out “I can’t wait any longer, Arabella, my love, I need you now!”
“Oh Ravenscar, I love you too!” Arabella cried. Then he laid her down and plunged his ponderous pendulum into her heated depths.
They waltzed together in frenzied rhythm, until they toppled over the cliff of love at exactly the same instant in a shower of sparks and happily ever afters.